Allan Rae

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Welcome to my online portfolio, home to what I feel constitutes my best literary nonfiction, poetry, flash fiction, & photography, with links to my published work, as well as the occasional editorial or research update.

An Open Letter To Gay Men On How To Not Write Offensive Dating Profiles

This piece is inspired by a profile I came across on a gay dating and social media site I am a member of. For now, I will not name the site until they have been given sufficient opportunity to respond to my complaint. Which, if they have a shred of intestinal fortitude, aka balls, they will do so immediately.

At least that is what I am presuming any site worth patronizing would do if a member (with the stud-magnet name of “twistednazislampig”) posted a lengthy narrative about how Nazism, Hitler, and white power “bruders” turn him on because they are “fucking hot”. The inappropriate piglet concludes his list of positive attributes with a charming little video where he raises a Nazi flag and offers his audience a Sieg Heil salute.

What a catch.

You know, first it was the harshly worded, “no fats, fems, or blacks” that caused some of us to be justifiably offended at profile descriptions. Then gender insecurity came screaming to the forefront with the constant need to define ones masculinity through the process of deriding another. The “I’m a masculine man who just happens to be gay. U B 2, cause if I wanted a girl I’d date one” type of nonsense. Now it seems some gay men simply can’t get a boner if they aren’t salivating over “white culture”, saluting the SS, and quoting genocidal Hitler mantras.

Fuck. May I suggest boys, we raise the bar a tad? It’s really not that difficult. I’ll walk you through it.

  1. Describe yourself (briefly).
  2. Say what you like in others, not what you don’t like.
  3. If someone with a trait you don’t enjoy approaches you, instead of enthusiastically declaring what disgusts you about them, perhaps you can attempt the Herculean effort of saying “thanks anyway”.
  4. Yes, you may now go nuts on your laundry list of twisted kinks.

Is doing that really a huge imposition on your freedom of expression? Exactly.

Now, moving on to our new friend twistednazislampig; here is the comment I left on his profile page an hour ago.

Dear Twistedblahblah
Let me begin by saying that, as a rule, I don’t make negatively inspired comments on other site members profile pages. But really, WP, Nazis and swastikas? Whether you are culturally tone deaf and socially unaware, or just a fucking asshole, I don’t know, but please realize that your nod to Adolf and the gang is not in any way hot, cool, or “twisted”.
What it is, is a wilfully offensive reference to one of the worlds greatest historical manifestations of hate, violence, murder, and genocide. If that isn’t enough, your particular status as a gay man makes you appear like a spineless fool for nipping at the heels of a bunch of fascist bigots. Are you seriously that self deluded that you have nothing better to aspire to? I would suggest putting down the meth pipe and then, presuming you have some, check your ethics.
And before you start bleating that I am tramping on your constitutional rights, yes, I will concede that it is your right as a site member to post this crap to your profile, but in turn it is also my right to call you out on it. Interestingly, that is how freedom of speech operates, much to the dismay of the reductive and narrow ideology that informs your creepy little band of mentors.
Face it Skippy, continuing on with this offensive, racist bullshit just reenforces the fact that you are still, after all these years, the same angry, Dungeons and Dragons playing gay boy who ate his lunch in the AV room with all the other social malcontents, trying to prove who had the loudest farts.
Perhaps, it’s time to grow up.

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