Allan Rae

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Welcome to my online portfolio, home to what I feel constitutes my best literary nonfiction, poetry, flash fiction, & photography, with links to my published work, as well as the occasional editorial or research update.

Conversations With My Dog: the ear situation

Trying desperately to appear empathetic, I say "I hear you Moles, but it’s not a big deal."

Easy for you ... you're not being sneered at from Elly the apricot Standard Poodle. I thought she loved me.


"Yes, it happens to all of us. Trust me, if that Poodle really likes you, she’ll be patient."

"Yeah right. in my dreams. She runs in the big leagues, she's never going to wait for me to get an erect ear. Hey, Toby the Irish Wolfhound says he takes Viagra."

"No, I’ve told you before, you cannot have a Viagra. It is not meant for dogs. Or for ears, I don’t care what that Irish Wolfhound said."


"You just don't understand. My ears are like my my phallus. Look at them. You think the bitches like me for my erudite wit?"

David and I exchange glances. "You know, he does have a point with that one."

"You're a lot of help", I say to David for fanning the insecure "my ears are too small" flames.

"GREAT! I'll call the vet. Maybe we can get in to see her first thing in the morning."

"Moles! I said no!"

"GGRRR! You guys are no help, I'm going to chase cats."

Things We Want To Say But Never Do

Falling For A Sociopath Is Never Value Neutral